A Story of Redemption and Rebuilding

Bethany Hatfield shares with us a beautiful story of how God healed and renovated her marriage and home:

Roughly 10 years ago Rudy and I had been divorced for a few months. He was on his way back from Manila with Lylah to bring her home to me (while he was living in the Philippines playing in the PBA) and during their flight I started to have symptoms of a heart attack. My left arm was numb, chest pain, chest tightness, shortness of breath, shoulder discomfort. I called my mom and told her I probably needed to go to the ER but honestly wasn’t convinced anything was actually wrong. After several tests the doctors realized my heart was fine but my left lung had collapsed. I had no prior health issues. It didn’t make sense. Actually I owned a health business at the time and was flying globally quite frequently to help others w health!

While sitting in that hospital bed I realized the only person I really wanted by my side was Rudy. He was coming home for two days before flying back to Manila and during his stay we were planning to put our house up for sale as we had been divorced for a few months by then. Out of kindness he stayed at the hospital with me to make sure I was okay and decided there was no way he wanted to sell the house while I was recovering. He didn’t want to add any additional stress to my situation. This whole scenario softened me and made me see things from a different perspective I wouldn’t have otherwise. It put me in the perfect position to gain more clarity.

It took a few months after that for us to get back together but my lung collapse was the foundation and situation necessary to keep our home, otherwise that weekend it would have been up for sale. I thank God frequently for that lung collapse.

I remember a year prior to all of that my step dad took Rudy and me out to dinner. This was after we had filed for divorce. Out of respect for him we both went. He said “Ya know, the grass is the greenest where you water it. You two will never find better than each other.”

Oh I’ll never forget that. This home. This home we almost sold and went our separate ways. This home, we didn’t take care of very well for a long time. We let things get overgrown, we let things build up just like our relationship but with hard work, commitment, and tearing down some walls it has become something so beautiful. We were thinking about moving this past year but decided to put an investment back into this house. We decided to water the grass right here where we are.

I can’t help but feel like this home so beautifully represents our relationship. When I step back and look at how far we’ve come, to say I’m proud is an understatement.

So remember, sometimes your grass may really look dead. Like brown, dead. Like, you want to light it on fire and just buy a new lot. But I promise with some water that ugly grass can bloom into a garden you didn’t even know was there.

For powerful resources on tearing down the walls and restoring oneness with Christ and others, visit out Marriage page.

How God Healed a Marriage

Here’s a beautiful testimony from Julie Busby Lee, of what a difference Christ can make in a marriage:

“When my husband and I were first married, no one (including us!) believed our marriage would make it. Right after our first anniversary, I moved out of our apartment and back into my parents’ house, with the intent of filing for divorce (I was 22 years old at the time). That afternoon, I got quiet in my old bedroom and began fervently praying for my husband and our marriage (he had so, so much childhood trauma that had not yet been dealt with). I prayed for the Father to give me a sign whether I should dIvorce my husband or not. I opened my Bible randomly and the very first verse my eyes rested on was Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. This was the verse my husband and I selected to be our marriage verse and had read at our wedding, just one year before! It was no coincidence that this was where the Lord led me in my time of prayer and crying out. So, the next day, instead of heading to the courthouse to file for divorce, I called a friend of a very good, Godly friend who happened to be a Christian counselor. I made an appointment and called my husband at work to tell him when and where the appointment was and if he wanted to save our marriage he should come. He was there and the hard work began. Four years later, we had our last counseling session and so, so much healing had been done. Our counselor was an amazing help, my husband put in all the hard work of forgiving past wounds (most of the forgiveness came without any sort of apology from the offender…in fact some came with blame and shaming), but it was the Lord who brought healing. Healing for my husband and healing in our marriage. We have now been married for 16 (mostly) beautiful years. We still argue, but we have learned how to argue effectively and how to identify and stick to the real issues. Healing can happen. Forgiveness can happen. Blessings, Friends. “

For steps to freedom through forgiveness, and to remove the barriers to oneness with Christ and with each other, see Dare to Be a Mighty Warrior and Delight to Be a Woman of Wonder at MoreThanAConquerorBooks.com.

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Clearing the Way for Communication

What are some tips you’ve learned to help you communicate better with those you love? Share in the comments.

Here’s one we often use when helping couples communicate better: Listen. Clarify. Speak.

Use a cup or other object to indicate whose turn it is to speak. For example, if person A is holding the cup, then person B listens quietly, while A shares not an accusation against B, but rather an owning of her own feelings. For instance, a wife might say to her husband, “When you come home from work, and then go straight to the TV and turn it on, I feel sad. I miss you. I feel like we never talk anymore.”

B then clarifies, “So, what I hear You saying is you’d like some time with me when I first get home from work.”A answers, “Yes! And the kids, too. They miss you, too.”

B: “So, you’d like me to spend time with both you and the kids when I get home from work. Right?”

A: “Yes.” A hands the cup to B. Now, it’s A’s turn to listen quietly, and for B to talk (about his own feelings, not accusations against A). “When I’ve been talking all day at work, I really just want to relax when I get home.”

A: “So, I hear you saying you don’t feel like talking when you get home, and that’s why you turn on the TV.”

B answers, “Yes, … but also, the other reason is, … after a stressful day at work, when I come home to a messy house and loud kids, I feel stress all over again, and just don’t want to deal with it. I’m afraid I’ll yell or something. So, I watch TV to take my mind off it.”

A: “So, I hear you saying work is stressful, but if you could come home to a peaceful, clean house, that would bless you. Is that right?”

B: “Yes.” Hands the cup to A.

A: “My day’s stressful, too. It’s not easy parenting by myself all day. And there’s cooking, and cleaning, and laundry, and homeschool. I do actually clean all day long, and it just gets messy again. To be honest, by the time you get home, I’m ready to relax, too. I’m tired of cleaning, and what I’d really like is some adult conversation for a change.”

B: “I hear you saying, you’re stressed out, too. That you are trying to keep the house clean. And that after a day dealing with the kids, you’d like a conversation with a grownup, specifically me. Is that right?”

A: “Yes. Here’s an idea. Would this work? You could call me when you’re on the way home, and I’ll get the kids to help me pick up some, at least in the living room. I think I’ll be okay with just a hug and kiss when you get in, if you’re not up for talking just yet. Then, maybe after the kids are in bed, we can talk some, or just watch a show together. What do you think?” …

– From Victory Strategy #67 in the devotional Bible study, Dare to Be a Mighty Warrior (women’s version, Delight to Be a Woman of Wonder) by Mikaela Vincent for removing the barriers to oneness with Christ and others.

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  Fight evil and win! For real!

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  Fight evil and win. For real!

To join the Kingdom Culture Parenting community, and interact with other parents about raising our children up to walk as one with Christ and others, sign up on our Home page.

Matthew 18:15-17 provides us with a guide for how to confront others: Don’t talk behind someone’s back. If you have a problem with someone, go to that person personally. Make sure what you’re confronting them on is sin, not just something you don’t like about them or disagree with. Speak the truth in love (not judging – Matthew 7:1-5; not attacking – James 1:19-20: not falsely accusing – assuming they thought or meant or did or said something they didn’t). If he listens, then you have your brother back. But if he doesn’t, get help. Go to someone he respects, a pastor, a friend who also has been affected by the situation, a counselor, or someone else God leads you to, and meet with him again together with that person. DELIGHT TO BE A WOMAN OF WONDER Devotional Bible study for listening to God, following His lead, and influencing others to do the same MoreThanAConquerorBooks.com

Fighting for Our Marriages

Breaking up our marriages is one of the enemy’s highest priorities. If he can cause division between parents, then he can wreak calamity upon our children’s hearts, and probably their own marriages later on, as well.

Have you seen this happen in your own life? Those of you who grew up in broken homes, how did that affect your own heart and choices? 

What are some things God taught you or did in your heart to overcome?

Let’s encourage those who are going through a hard time right now in their marriages. What are some things they can do to ease the tension in that marriage, and to free up their kids to grow up in Jesus’ arms? Pause a moment and ask the Lord what He wants to say, and then share in the comments what comes to mind.

DARE TO BE A MIGHTY WARRIOR and DELIGHT TO BE A WOMAN OF WONDER are deep devotional Bible studies couples can do separately or together with 100 practical, tactical, biblical strategies for overcoming the enemy in the battlefield of the mind, and removing the barriers to oneness with Christ and others. The DARE TO BE A MIGHTY WARRIOR POWER PLANNER (top) is a day planner designed specifically for surrendering every plan and moment over to Christ every day of the year, and walking in His Spirit’s power to overcome. For more Bible studies, prayer journals, day planners, novels, and other books for all ages on listening to God, following His lead, and breaking free from strongholds, visit MoreThanAConquerorBooks.com.

Give the Gift of Oneness

Are you looking for a anniversary gift that could transform your marriage and your walk with God forever?

The strategies for victory in these books have changed my life. Through them, the Lord has made my heart, my marriage, my family, my tragedies, my failures — everything in this life — into something radically and gloriously beautiful by His grace and love.

DELIGHT TO BE A WOMAN OF WONDER (for women), and DARE TO BE A MIGHTY WARRIOR (same strategies, but written for men), by Mikaela Vincent, offer 100 practical, tactical strategies for overcoming the enemy, and removing the barriers to oneness with Christ and each other. Available at MoreThanAConquerorBooks.com.

If you’ve already studied these books on your own or with your spouse, please leave a testimony in the comments so we can encourage one another.

Unfulfilled Expectations

 Lay It All Down

What expectations do you have of your spouse?  Do you want him (her) to 

• say kind things to you?
• help out more?
• do what he promised?
• understand you?
• take more responsiblity?
• apologize when he hurts you?
• talk about things without blowing up?
• lead spiritually?
• be faithful to you?
• care about what you’re going through?
• pay you some attention?
• help out with the kids more?
• work?
• (other) ________________?

In an upcoming post, we’ll look at more quick ways to heal up when trust has been broken, but try this first this week, and share in the comments what God shows you.

One of the main ways our hearts are wounded is when we expect something of someone who actually isn’t mature enough in that area of their life to do that quite yet. Those expectations are compounded all the more when they promise but don’t come through. It can feel like a betrayal. Like they lied. Try this on your wounded heart:

1. Lay all your expectations, hopes, dreams, desires, frustrations, hurts, anger, opinions, judgments … everything… down now at Jesus’ feet.
2. Then ask Him how HE sees that person.
3. Run that through the Three-Fold Sieve* to make sure it’s God speaking. 

• Does it agree with God’s Word? 
• Does it agree with God’s character, especially His love and grace? 
• Does it draw you (or others) closer to Him?

*The Three-Fold Sieve and other strategies for removing the barriers to oneness with Christ and others are found in DARE TO BE A MIGHTY WARRIOR (for him) and DELIGHT TO BE A WOMAN OF WONDER (for her) by Mikaela Vincent, MoreThanAConquerorBooks.com.

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  Dare to Be a Mighty Warrior

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  Delight to Be a Woman of Wonder

When it’s hard to wash someone’s feet, step on into the water!

What must it have been like for Jesus to wash the feet of Peter, knowing he would soon deny Him? … or of Judas, knowing he would betray Him? John 13.

What an example Jesus gave us to love those near to us, even when the things they do and say are not so lovely! Romans 12:9-21.

How have you “washed the feet” of your spouse recently? Or that rebellious child? Or that friend you loved and trusted who betrayed a confidence?

I know it’s hard, beloved. These are trying times. Love has grown scarce in so many hard places, and sparse where once it flourished with great fruit. But take heart. For I have overcome the world, and I am yet here with you. John 16:33. You do not have to do this on your own. And the love I require from you is not even within your own power to give. Matthew 22:37-40. For I am calling you to a greater Love. Tap into My everlasting, all-abundant, never-ending flow, and let Me rush through you like a mighty River, overflowing your “on-edges” and spilling out onto everyone around you, … effortless and true, … because I am the One flowing in you, and you are overflowing with Me….

But to get there, My beloved, you must step into the Secret Place. You cannot keep going in your own energy or you will wear out; what you spend on others will deplete and spoil all too soon. They will not have the best of you, until you first give your best to Me. Find in My currents the rest and nourishment you need to wash over what wears you down, cleanse what has festered, and renew your weary soul with life and breath and joy abundant.

Come. I’m waiting for you.

O Lord, be for me my Fountain of Living Waters. Jeremiah 2:13.  

Dive deep into God’s character of love and grace through the scriptures in the Names of God Prayer Journal, by Mikaela Vincent. Available lined, unlined, large unlined, or large bullet.) For more prayer journals and deep Bible studies for all ages on walking as one with Christ and others, visit MoreThanAConquerorBooks.com.

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  Journal through God’s names

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  Fight evil and win. For real!

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  Fight evil and win! For real!

5 Fun Worship Ideas during Quarantine

This lockdown is a perfect opportunity for the whole family to draw closer to the Lord through worship. Create your own playlist, or stream from playlists already available on music sources like Spotify or YouTube. (Leave a comment sharing your favorites, so we can get some new ideas!)

Begin the family worship time with prayer, inviting God to fill the room with His presence and angels, to block out distractions, and to show you anything He wants to show you. Encourage your children to personally invite God to speak to their hearts. Here are some of our family’s favorite ways to draw near to God in worship, as the music plays:

1. PAINT. Pull out colored pencils or watercolors, so they can draw and paint in their journal what God is showing them.
2. SOAK. Throw pillows and blankets around the room, and invite your children to pick a place to get comfortable and close their eyes, as the words and music wash over them. Invite them to ask Jesus to take them anywhere He wants to take them and show them anything He wants to show them. (Almost every time we do this, someone falls asleep. Don’t let that worry you. That means they’re at peace. Besides, Jesus just might meet them in a dream!)
3. EXPRESS YOUR LOVE. Invite them to sing, use hand motions, dance, kneel, or express worship to the Lord in whatever way they like. Encourage them to pick a position to be still in, as well, so they can listen to what God wants to say in response to their worship.
4. INTERCEDE. Pray for the lost, for the nations, for your neighbors, siblings, friends, etc., as the music plays. You can spread a map of the world on the floor, so each person can lay hands on the countries they’re praying for. Or you can give out notecards to write someone’s name on one side, and a prayer for that person on the other.
5. JOURNAL. Urge your kids to write in their journals what they feel God speaking to their hearts as the music plays. Suggest they ask Jesus questions (like, “Jesus, when You look at me, what do You see?”) and listen for His answers. Place Bibles around the room, so they can look up verses that come to mind.

Then, share with each other what God showed you. (Here’s a free guide to knowing God’s voice, if you need one to help with that discussion.)

All the ends of the earth shall remember and turn to the Lord; and all the families of the nations shall worship before Him.

Psalm 22:27 RSV

If you’d like to help your children recognize God’s voice and overcome lies with truth, try Out You Go, Fear! by Mikaela Vincent. There are tips for parents in the back to help children to freedom. For more books for children, tweens, and teens to help them listen to God, follow His lead, and love others well, visit MoreThanAConquerorBooks.com,

What did God show your children during your worship time together? Feel free to comment below.

Loving well: What did we forget?

What makes a good marriage?

A mountain of grace, and an unending source of love.

We could go into more detail, of course, and include under grace listening to each other, not jumping to conclusions, and not getting angry so quickly. We could include kindness, forgiveness, serving one another, … FIDELITY — wow, that‘s a big one you don’t see much of these days!

But most of all, LOVE is all we need. 1 Corinthians 13. Because love not only covers over a multitude of sins, but absolutely every ingredient needed for a happy marriage falls under loving each other—not in our own power, but through the unending love of the One Who first loved us. The One Who invented love. The One Whose name is Love. 1 Peter 4:8, Matthew 22:37-40, 1 John 4:7-12.

And this is where our marriages fall apart. We base love on a glittery feeling, and say  “I’m not in love with you anymore” when that person doesn’t heat us up inside or give us butterflies. And we base that glittery feeling on how well that person treats us, on whether or not he/she does or says or looks like what we want.

But this is love: not that we’re all that or others are all that for us, but that the Spirit of the Living God Who is Love Himself lives within us. When we walk in His light, we love one another. 1 John 1:7, Matthew 6:22-23, Ephesians 5:8.

As we allow God’s love to fill every nook and cranny of our broken hearts, He heals us, and then seeps out to coat and transform the people around us. We can love our spouses and children, even when they’re acting unlovely, because HIS LOVE empowers us.

We must lay down who we think we are to walk out in WHO WE ARE IN CHRIST. Galatians 2:20, Psalm 45:10-11.

You might think of yourself as the bride of that man you married, that you have all these rights, and he should treat you like a queen…. But, FIRST, you are the bride of CHRIST.

You are His, bought with a price you could not pay. John 3:16, 1 Corinthians 7:23. He gave His life so you could live forever with Him. He loved you THAT much.

His love has no boundaries. He is always for you. He will never leave you, never forsake you. He is always good. Always faithful. Always loving. Even when you don’t deserve His love.

Because you can never deserve that kind of love.

He just IS … in love … with you.

Listen, O daughter. Lean in and listen closely to what I’m telling you: Forget your people, forget your culture, forget your rights, forget your past, forget the ways you’ve been mistreated, forget your unfulfilled dreams, forget it all! The King is enthralled with your beauty. Bow before Him, and receive His unending love. For He alone is your Lord. (from Psalm 45:10-11)

Part of our problem with love is we’ve forgotten Who He is. That love is not a thing, or even a verb, but the Living God Who empowers us to stretch out in His power and be love together with Him in this fallen world.

We’ve chosen hurt as our lord. Or anger. Or bitterness. Or depression. Or lust. Or seduction. Or pride. Or selfishness. Or self-pity. Or whatever else.

We’ve forgotten Who our Lord really is. That He is Love.

Bow before your King. Love and serve Him above all else. And He will leave you breathless with His beauty, enamored by His love, undone by His grace.

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(For studies and prayer journals on receiving His love; breaking free from depression, pride, anxiety, and other strongholds; listening to God; following His lead; and loving others well, visit MoreThanAConquerorBooks.com.)

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We’ve forgotten love is not a thing or even a verb, but the power of the Living God within us Who is Himself Perfect Love.

The strategies for walking in oneness with Christ and others in the books below have made all the difference in my life and marriage. Find yours today at MoreThanAConquerorBooks.com

Delight to Be a Woman of Wonder – deep devotional Bible study for overcoming the enemy and tearing down the barriers to oneness with Christ and others

Dare to Be a Mighty Warrior – same 100 strategies as in Delight to Be a Woman of Wonder, but written for men, so husbands and wives can study together